Chapter One Hundred Forty-Five, in which a Novel is not being written

If our two readers weren't so distracted by television and voting and internet porn, they might have read Playboy's recent list of the 25 Sexiest Novels Ever Written. This fine literary magazine limited its selections to novels marked by frank language, candor and enthusiasm in which body parts are named and interwoven in ways that arouse, linger and channel our desires. Read them with a friend!

1. Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure
2. Lady Chatterley's Lover
3. Tropic of Cancer
4. The Story of O
5. Crash
6. Interview with the Vampire
7. Portnoy's Complaint
8. The Magus
9. The Wind-up Bird Chronicle
10. Endless Love
11. Lolita
12. Carrie's Story
13. Fear of Flying
14. Peyton Place
15. Story of the Eye
16. The End of Alice
17. Vox
18. Rapture
19. Singular Pleasures
20. In The Cut
21. Brass
22. Candy
23. Forever
24. An American Dream
25. The Carpetbaggers

Check your score: if you've read fewer than four, you're an old maid; from four to eight, you're a curious teenager; from nine to fourteen, you're a desperate housewife; from fifteen to twenty, you're readily available; and if you've read more than twenty-one, you're a five-star nymphomaniac.